Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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