discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
