I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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