Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
