if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
