You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
