saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
