I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
