if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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