you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was like eating out sand paper
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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