I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize