So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
