Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
