what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
