dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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