my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize