we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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