Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
