the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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