No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sext me about skeletons
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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