I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
