I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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