Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
