Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
