Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
