if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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