I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
