I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
