maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just invented taco cereal.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
