So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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