i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
