evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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