Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
