very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
