4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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