He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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