i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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