even my farts smell like vagina
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
