It's like a parade of train wrecks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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