I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize