apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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