Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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