She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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