But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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