Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize