Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
