so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize