That's when you crack a 10am beer
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
