i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
