just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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