I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
