god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
