he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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