so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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