I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize