R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
