wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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