that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
