He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
