my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
