i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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