White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
