Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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