My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
