U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
