U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
