I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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