her vagine was all disorganized.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize