I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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