So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
