my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
