a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
