Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
