FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
