I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
