Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
