just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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