you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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