I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Alive.
So much puke
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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