My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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