i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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