Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude i'm inner monologue high
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
