I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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