When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
