She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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