so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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