i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
