i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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