You're completely useless in the revolution.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
