Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
