I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
