like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
