I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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