Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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