i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
