walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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