Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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