Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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