Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
